


A Rush Of Blood To The Head

by dianna44



Category: Free!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Assassins & Hitmen, M/M, Rin cusses, Star-crossed, Tragedy, rinharuweek2017, this isn't a happy story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-30
Updated: 2017-04-30
Packaged: 2018-10-25 14:12:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10765872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dianna44/pseuds/dianna44
Summary: Rin is an assassin. Haru is his next target.





	A Rush Of Blood To The Head

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE read the warnings if you do not like sad things because this is not a happy story! 
> 
> I wrote this for day four of rinharuweek (today is day seven whoops) under the prompt "star-crossed." a lot of the prompts made me think of happy things, and well, apparently I can't roll that way, whoops. 
> 
> title is named after coldplay's song "A Rush Of Blood To My Head" which was my lifeblood when writing this (I honestly do not think I listened to anything else)

Rin was never a fan of his job. Too time-consuming, life-ruining, and soul-sucking, in his opinion. Rin was never a fan of his job yet it was all he did, all he lived for, and isn’t that just the saddest damn thing to think about?

“Matsuoka. Report in. Now,” the voice in his ear says. He doesn’t remember a time without the voice in his ear. They all call the voices “The Assist,” but Rin just finds that weird. It’s not as if he assists him too much, just bosses him around. He doesn’t even know who it is. He’s never met the man. He just knows that his first memory includes that voice in his ear whispering what he would do in life. The technology behind it is something that was never revealed to him either, and he doesn’t care to know.

“Alright,” he mutters, standing up, and securing his gun. “I’m coming.” He had only been at home for seventeen hours, and as always, he only slept for about four.

Rin was never a fan of his job, still isn’t, and yet here he goes, like a dog on a leash. He closes his door, and doesn’t bother to lock it. There’s nothing to steal, and it’s not like he really lives here anyway. It’s not like he even has a real life he can ever get back to. It’s not like he has a different job.

The office is a thirty-eight minute walk, a thirteen-minute bike ride, and a seven-minute bus ride from his house. He takes the bus.

His hands wrap around the pole tightly, and he watches as the city passes by, and he watches as his own damn life continues to be the same, morbid and illegal.

Rin was never a fan of his job, but here he is, walking into the office as usual, greeted by the same person as usual, and Rin doesn’t know whether or not his complacency is what’s the most depressing.

It’s not as if he has anywhere else to go. He has absolutely nowhere to go. Not even a damn home. Nowhere.

He steps off the elevator, and the voice inside his head lets him know to wait outside the door.

“Yeah, yeah,” he says. He doesn’t sit down, and the receptionist (it’s a new one) smiles awkwardly at him, and Rin vaguely wonders how long she’ll last. The last one only seemed to last four days.

 _You can go in_ , the voice says. Rin wonders why he’s never at least given the man a name. Why he’s never asked. But Rin realizes that he doesn’t care. It’s just the way things are. His life is just the way it is.

“He’ll see you now,” the receptionist says, not even ten seconds later, and Rin gives her a strained smile, but nods. He walks in, and shuts the door behind him quietly. The boss doesn’t like pointless loud noises. Which is ironic, considering.

“Matsuoka,” he greets. “Stay standing. This won’t take long.”

“New assignment?” Rin guesses as he takes a few more steps forward. The boss grunts, and nods, smiling wickedly.

“You’re a smart one, Matsuoka. Yes. Here’s the assignment. It’s an important one. I wouldn’t have trusted it with anyone else.” He hands a manila envelope to Rin, who immediately folds it and puts it in his jacket.

“Any specific details I should know?” Rin asks.

The boss nods. “Make it quick, Matsuoka. I’ll check in with you in a week. No mistakes, no excuses.”

“I understand, sir.”

The boss nods again. “Then you’re dismissed. Remember if you have any more questions just ask your Assist.”

Rin nods. “Affirmative.”

The boss doesn’t bother to say anything else, and Rin is already walking out the door, manila folder secured and hidden underneath his jacket.

The receptionist looks a little startled by his sudden appearance, and Rin just sends another forced smile her way. He’s betting she’ll last a week, maybe.

“Have a good day, sir,” she says.

Rin is gone before he can even bother to reply.

 

 

He has to wait until he gets back home until he can open the envelope. The boss told him it was an important one, and Rin thinks the last case he got quite like this had to have been two years ago. Rin doesn’t feel anything in particular about it, but he’s excited to simply have something else to do.

Rin briefly wonders if his family misses him. He’s never met them. He doesn’t know them, but they’re alive, they’ve told him. They’re alive, and he has a sister out there somewhere, and after his contract is complete, he can see them again. It’s the only reason he hasn’t defected already. He’s seen pictures of them. The boss gives him a new one when it’s his birthday, which is also how Rin knows how old he is.

He’s twenty-six. He turns twenty-seven soon. His contract ends when he turns thirty-one.

And Rin knows the agency manipulates him, that his boss manipulates him, but he knows that if he did try to escape his contract, they’d kill his family. The boss has warned him enough times, usually in weird, back-handed compliments or in his birthday cards.

They’ll kill the family he’s never met, the family he wishes he could have, the family they’ll kill unless he does his job.

And so he does his job, no matter how much he wishes he could be doing literally anything else.

When he finally arrives back at his house, he settles once more on his couch, and opens the envelope, looking for the informational page first.

 

**TARGET: HARUKA NANASE**

**GENDER: MALE**

**AGE: 27**

**HEIGHT: 175 CM**

**WEIGHT: 63 KG**

**HAIR: BLACK**

**EYES: BLUE**

**MISSION: TERMINATE**

 

Rin was never a fan of his job, and he’s seen enough television shows, enough movies, and he’s talked to enough people to know that it’s not exactly the best job or even the most legal job, but it’s what he was stuck with, and it’s how his life has been so far, and it’s how his life will continue to be for the next four years.

Rin was never a fan of his job, and for the past sixteen years, he’s _never_ been a fan of his job, but if he doesn’t do it, they kill his family.

So instead, he kills for his family.

 

 

Haruka Nanase was the son of an esteemed politician that has recently died, leaving Nanase with his entire fortune. And according to the file, some pretty important clients of the agency don’t want Nanase to possess that fortune, ergo why they hired a hit man to take him out. Rin doesn’t particularly like to describe himself as a “hit man,” but “assassin” and “murderer” are even more upsetting to him.

Rin’s optimum time to do it is at a charity ball next week. It gives him exactly seven days to plan and plan and plan, and Rin knows that that’s more than enough time.

“Make sense?” his Assist asks. The voice inside his head. The man he’s never asked personal details about.

“Yes,” he responds. He hears the man click off, indicating he isn’t listening anymore. It’s late. He’s probably gone to bed. Rin glances at the time; he should probably go to bed as well.

An hour later, he’s planning and planning and planning, and the clock simply ticks on.

 

 

Rin has to buy a nice suit for this job, and after planning how he’s going to do this, and learns every single piece of information he can about everyone else in attendance. Haruka’s mother is complacent, lazy, and superficial. Nanase isn’t close with her, and it seems she’s also a little irritated that the entire fortune was given to their son.

Haruka has no siblings, and no other distinct family members that Rin has to worry about. But his mother does have many friends, and many of those friends and their friends will be attending. As well as old friends and enemies of his father. In Rin’s opinion, there will be far too many people attending for it to be comfortable, but Rin has dealt with more, and he isn’t one to complain.

“Will you be needing a reimbursement?” the voice asks. Rin wonders how he always knows everything.

“Yes,” he replies.

“Understood,” his Assist says. “Anything else?”

“Can you confirm that I have an admittance to the charity ball?”

“You do. With an alias, of course. Also, the guards at the door will check your bags, but they are working for us. You will be able to pass.”

Rin rolls his eyes. “Yes, I read that.”

“Understood.”

Rin just gets back to memorizing. He only has five more days.

 

 

“I need something,” Rin says one day.

His Assist is quick to respond. “What do you need?”

“Poison. The kind I used in the States.”

“Ah,” the voice says.

That’s not good. “What’s the issue?” Rin asks.

“We’re out of stock right now. Our next shipment is scheduled to arrive in two weeks. We have another poison, of course. It’s the same except the pain reduction of the one you want is nonexistent.”

“So it works, but they’ll feel pain?”

“Yes. The pain is quite excruciating.”

Rin didn’t want to do this. “But it works just the same? Is that the only one like the one I want?”

“Affirmative.”

Rin really didn’t want to do this. He sighs. “Okay. Then, I need two vials of that poison.”

“Understood,” the voice says, and it echoes throughout Rin’s world.

He really doesn’t want to do this.

 

 

Rin has everything he needs. He’s gone over his plan a multitude of times, he’s rehearsed his conversations, he’s memorized every major detail about every guest in attendance, especially details about one Haruka Nanase.

One major rule in his job is that he must avoid any bias he may have towards his targets. So reading over Nanase’s file, Rin understands that this man is innocent, young, and quite nice. Nanase is attractive, talented (apparently he’s quite a good swimmer), and has very close friends who are also very nice people.

And Rin doesn’t want to hurt him at all. He doesn’t want to do this.

But it’s his job, and he wants to see his family more.

So Rin puts on his nice suit, and he slicks back his bleached and dyed hair (he dyed it black), and he goes over his plan five more times, just for his own reassurance. He puts in his contacts (brown), hides the poison and gun in his jacket, and goes over the plan a sixth time. 

The ball starts in almost ten hours. Rin plans to arrive exactly ten minutes after it starts. He’ll talk and socialize for an hour, and then he’ll focus on Nanase. His job should be done by the second hour, and he’ll leave before anybody even notices Nanase’s dead.

The plan is foolproof, and Rin knows he is more than capable to do this, and Rin has experience and training, and Rin is still _nervous_ that something will go wrong, they’ll catch him and he’ll never see his family, the poison won’t work, or somehow _Rin_ will die.

Rin shakes his head.

The hours seem like days.

 

 

“ID?” the man asks at the door, and Rin pulls out the ID assigned to this alias, and shows him. The man takes it, and Rin senses when recognition and understanding settle in. The man grunts, nods, and hands it back. “Put your arms in the air. Standard protocol, hope you don’t mind.”

“Not at all,” Rin says charmingly, briefly taking in his surroundings again as more people show up. The man pats him down, pulls back, and grunts again.

“You can pass. Have a good time, sir,” he says, and Rin smiles at him. As Rin is slipping through the door, he hears the “Good luck, sir” and Rin’s stomach drops.

He’s here to kill somebody.

(Rin would think, would hope, that after all these years, the guilt before his crimes would cease to exist, fade into forgotten memories, but it hasn’t, and Rin doesn’t think it ever will.)

Rin blinks once, twice, and walking through the door, he’s immediately greeted by the man he’s here to kill.

“Hello,” Nanase greets. He isn’t even looking at Rin, but his hand is stuck out for a handshake. Nanase is looking above him, at the ceiling, Rin guesses, and Rin smirks. He doesn’t reach for the handshake, and eventually, Nanase is forced to look at Rin. He looks confused. “Do I know you?”

Rin practiced this. He’s rehearsed this. He’s gone over every possible damn conversation there is to be had and has practiced at least five answers for each one, but even though Rin knows what he should say, knows how he should say it, it’s not what he says at all.

“You obviously don’t want to be here,” he drawls. Nanase gazes at him impassively, but Rin has the feeling he’s a little stunned to hear that.

“And you?” Nanase asks. “Do you want to be here?”

(No.)

“Of course,” Rin smiles. _You’ll be dead in two hours_ , he suddenly thinks. Rin blinks again, and Nanase just gazes at him.

“Well, I hope you enjoy yourself. Thank you for attending. We appreciate any donation possible,” Nanase says, and Rin knows that’s his cue to move ahead. Rehearsed answers are not something that will give him much information.

The ballroom holds every bit of elegance that Rin expected. The chandeliers are expensive and beautiful, the walls are patterned like a nonreligious church, the floors are delicate in its appearance, but sturdy in its durability, and the assorted accessories of the room are almost stifling in its wealth. Rin has already seen the room, in pictures, but it’s definitely something else being in the room for the first time. He scans the area, quickly confirming that the doors and exits are where they were located on the map.

So far everything is going according to plan.

Waiters are aimlessly walking around with trays of champagne, and Rin knows if he doesn’t have one in his hand for the majority of the ball, he’ll be in an outlier in the sea of alcohol-driven bluebloods.

Rin has just gotten his champagne and is making way to talk to some of the newer guests when he feels a hard poke on his shoulder.

Rin turns, and is surprised to see Haruka Nanase. “So, who are you anyway?” Nanase asks.

“Friend of a friend,” Rin says, the rehearsed phrase rolling off his tongue easily. Nanase frowns, but doesn’t inquire more.

“I’m Haru Nanase,” he eventually says, and Rin is taken off guard by how _blue_ his eyes are.

“Oh so you’re in charge of this event?” Rin asks, deciding to play the completely clueless route.

Haru looks frustrated. “Yes. Well, my mother is, but technically, I supposed I am. What’s your name?”

“Giri,” Rin says. Nanase looks even more frustrated now.

“Giri,” Haru repeats.

“Indeed,” Rin says.

“Who are you a friend of a friend of?”

Rin’s planned this, but Haru’s blue eyes are so vibrant, so large, and he stumbles over his response a bit. “Uh, I’m a friend of Ai who’s a friend of Keiji.”

Rin sees recognition settle in Haru’s gaze, but he still curses himself for being caught off-guard by as something as ridiculous as Nanase’s _eye color_.

Nanase just peers at him. Rin tries not to look into his eyes.

“I’ve never heard of you,” Haru then says, but Rin doesn’t think that that’s necessarily a bad thing.

“I’ve only just heard of you,” Rin jokes, and Haru obviously bites down a smile. Rin holds back his smirk.

“Are you having fun?” Haru asks. Rin chuckles, and takes a tiny sip of his champagne. Haru follows his movements with his eyes.

“I mean, I’ve only been here for about ten minutes,” Rin says.

“And?” Haru asks, obviously not budging. Rin smiles, and he’s surprised that he means it.

“I suppose now that you’ve come along, it’s a little better,” Rin admits.

“Do not forget your mission, Rin,” Rin’s Assist suddenly says, and Rin prides himself for not flinching out of surprise. Haru seems to have said something, and Rin focuses his attention back on him. “What?” he asks.

Haru rolls his eyes. “I said that you must not really have been enjoying it much if it took me to make you feel a little better. I’m not known for cheering people up.”

This time it’s Rin’s turn to roll his eyes. “What? Are you known for making people sad, then?”

Haru shifts uncomfortably. “Well, no.”

“So, what makes you think you can’t bring some happiness into others’ lives?”

What is he _doing_? And why are Haru’s eyes so overwhelmingly _blue_?

“I suppose to a few I do….” Haru admits.

“Well, you definitely did for me, so there’s at least one,” Rin says, trying for the assurance route. He doesn’t know why he’s mingling so much with the target beforehand. He needs to stop this. He can’t be seen as an anomaly by any person because it’s the anomalies that stick out when the police come investigating. And he knows that he’s still heavily in disguise, but it’s better to be safe than sorry, Rin believes.

“I. I have to use the bathroom,” Rin says, and Haru looks startled by the declaration.

“Okay. It’s over there….” Haru states, nodding in the direction of the bathroom.

“Yes. Thank you,” Rin says, and when Haru does nothing else but gaze back at him, he turns and heads toward his escape from the man he’s here to _kill_.

He is to _kill_ this man, and no matter how blue his eyes are, Rin cannot let himself be caught off guard again. He cannot risk a failure with this mission because risking failure means risking failure with his family’s lives.

The bathroom was made for guests it seems, and when Rin realizes that nobody else is in the room, he carefully asks his Assist the question that will spur the plan into action.

“Are the exits secured?” he asks.

“Affirmative,” the man responds, and Rin nods, looking back at himself in the newly-cleaned mirror.

“Are there any changes?” Rin asks.

“Negative,” his Assist responds, and Rin lets out a sigh of relief. So everything really is going according to plan. He can do this. He needs to avoid Haruka for a while longer, and the next time they speak will also happen to be their last.

 _Haru’s nice_ , Rin thinks, and he blinks in surprise. No, he cannot do this. He does this every time. He finds some damn excuse. He can’t do this he can’t do he cannot allow himself to do this.

The door opening spurs him into leaving, and he sends the other man a charming smile before he leaves.

There are already more people here, and Rin can’t see Nanase anywhere. He sighs in relief. Now to mingle with the people who don’t matter tonight. He starts walking to a group of six, and he plans the conversations in his head as he walks toward them.

_Mention how nice the champagne is and how nice the ball is, smile, ask what they do, compliment them, smile, when they inevitably bring up Haru’s father, ask what happened, smile, make sure to—_

And suddenly, Nanase is blocking his way. _Shit._ “How did I make you happy?” Haru immediately asks.

Rin sucks in a breath. “Well, I mean, you’re quite nice,” he says, albeit a little awkwardly. Haru frowns.

“I guess,” he says. Haru looks away for a brief second, and Rin finally lets out his breath. Rin needs to change the topic.

“This ballroom is lovely. I’ve never seen anything like it,” he says, and Haru’s gaze snaps back to him.

“It’s alright,” Haru says. “Nothing compared to other ballrooms I’ve seen.”

Rin lets out a startled laugh at that. “Well, either way, it’s gorgeous.”

Haru just nods. “My father helped design it.”

“Design it?”

“Yes. He sketched out the very basics of the room and left the rest up to the architects.”

Rin wasn’t aware that this house was built by Haru’s family. He supposes it’s not exactly relevant information, but he still would have liked to know.

“So, your father commissioned this house?”

Haruka nods. “He did, yes. Him and my mother.”

Rin wonders if Haru wants him to ask about his father; he decides against it.

“Do you like it?” Rin asks.

Haru stiffens a little at that. “The house?”

“Yes.”

It’s silent for a moment, but before he can respond, three men are surrounding Nanase.

“Haru!” one of them yells. _Makoto Tachibana, Nagisa Hazuki, and Rei Ryūgazaki,_ Rin realizes as he takes in each man.

“We’ve been looking for you,” Makoto says, smiling warmly at him.

“Well, really, we only just started looking for you a minute ago,” Rei adds.

Nagisa just beams at him, and then turns to face Rin. “Who’s this, Haru?”

Rin knows that these are Haru’s best friends. Shit. He didn’t mean for this happen. Now they’ve linked him to Nanase.

“He’s Giri,” Haru says, and it sounds wrong to Rin’s ears, but he holds out his hand and smiles nonetheless.

“Nice to meet you,” he says, shaking Hazuki’s hand.

“I’m Nagisa,” he introduces. Rin moves to shake the rest of their hands, and ‘learns’ each of their respective names.

“Well, like I said, good to meet you,” he says, repeating his earlier sentiment.

“Likewise,” Makoto smiles at him. “So, what do you do?”

Rin prepared for this. “Nothing at the moment, actually. I was left with quite a large fortune though so now I let myself believe I’m a king of kings,” he jokes. There were many options he could have done in regards to his identity, but risking lying about corporations and names is too unstable in its plan.

“That’s so cool!” Nagisa says. “I wish I was left with a large fortune, but my parents control everything.” As soon as he says it, he freezes, and Rin glances at Haruka.

The very same Haruka Nanase that was left with quite a large fortune that his father used to control.

“Eh, it gets lonely sometimes,” Rin says, bringing attention back onto him. He doesn’t know why he’s still here. Why hasn’t he left yet? He can’t afford to do this. And yet… Rin glances at Haru again, who looks both surprised and relieved, and somehow, something seems worth it.

Rin is being absolutely ridiculous.

Rin glances down at his watch. An hour and twenty-one minutes are left. He looks back up, and Rin figures he might as well stay. He’s in disguise anyway.

“So, what do you do?” he asks.

 

 

They talked with the three men for about twenty minutes, but when the ball was about to finally begin, their parents called them all over. Haru wasn’t with him anymore either. He was giving the short speech before the ball began.

“And I thank you all for donating and being here tonight. There are many things that could be done with fortunes like ours, but I think it says something that tonight is the biggest charity ball we’ve had yet. My father would have been beyond grateful. Thank you, and enjoy the rest of the evening.” Haru finishes up, strained, and Rin smirks at how it was obviously written by somebody else. The crowd claps loudly when he finishes, and Rin simply takes another sip of his champagne. Haru is quick to find him, and Rin is about to say a funny joke about his speech, but Haru beats him to the conversation starter.

“Do you want to go upstairs with me? I don’t want to be here,” he says. Rin is stunned. And then guilt drops low in his stomach because Haru is only making this so much easier for Rin.

“Sounds good,” Rin responds.

Haru smiles at him, and Rin’s heart races.

 _Stop it_ , he tells himself.

“Follow me,” Haru says, starting to walk to the side of the room. Rin has this place memorized, but he jokes, “I wouldn’t know where to go if I didn’t” anyway.

Once they get into a private hallway, Haru speaks. “To answer your earlier question, by the way, no.” His voice seems so much louder when it’s so quiet around them. Rin can still hear the muffled sounds of the ballroom, but Haru’s voice rolls over him like a tsunami.

“No?” he asks.

“I don’t like this house. It’s too big, and too lonely,” he says, and Rin wonders why the hell Haru feels like he can be so honest with him. But then again, Rin is already going against the majority of his own plan despite his very functioning reasoning and logic.

(Is there something _there_ , then? Between the two of them? What does this _mean_?)

“Ah,” Rin finally responds. “I can understand that.”

Haru has no expression on his face, but he keeps his gaze with Rin nonetheless.

(The vials of poison burn in Rin’s pockets, and Rin briefly wonders if he could get away with not doing this mission at all.)

 _I’m being ridiculous_ , he thinks.

“Can you?” Haru asks. They’ve finally reached a much larger room, a sitting room. Haru lets Rin enter first.

“Can I understand?” Rin asks.

“Yes.”

“I’ve been alone my entire life, Haru. I don’t have a family. I’m… missing, I guess.”

 _I shouldn’t be telling him this_ , he thinks, but another part of him, a larger part apparently, pushes those thoughts down and reasons that he’s still in disguise and that Haru doesn’t even know his real name. Also, there are thousands of kids that are missing. He isn’t the only one. Also, they’re alone, and Rin figures it doesn’t matter what he tells Haru.

(He won’t be alive in less than an hour he won’t be alive in less than an hour because of you because of you you you you _you._ )

Rin buries those thoughts in his heart.

“Did you think about ever finding them?”

“I have, yeah.”

Haru is silent for a moment. “I have my mother,” he eventually says.

Rin nods. “You do.”

“I love her, but it doesn’t seem like she’s my mother. She doesn’t act like a mother at all. She probably won’t even realize that I’ve gone missing,” he says honestly.

Rin knows this; he read it in the file. “I’m sorry,” is what he says.

They’re still standing, and Haru points to a chair. “Do you want to sit down, Giri?”

Rin startles a bit at the name, and then curses himself for doing so. Haru doesn’t seem to notice. But it gnaws at Rin, and Rin says something so stupid, and he can’t even care enough to fix it afterwards.

“My real name is Rin,” he says.

Haru just blinks at him. “Rin?”

“ _Matsuoka_ , did you just reveal yourself?” his Assist suddenly demands in his ear. Rin can’t believe that for the first time in all his years with his Assist, that he forgot about him completely. _Shit shit shit shit_.

“Yeah. I give a fake name whenever I go to any kind of social gathering like this especially when it’s about the money,” Rin says, immediately trying to cover up his mistake. Haru doesn’t seem to care though.

“You have a girl’s name,” is what he says instead. Rin scoffs.

“It’s a perfectly _fine_ name—”

“I do too. My name stands for Haruka,” Haru says, and Rin shuts his mouth.

 _Yes, I know that_ , he thinks. _I know that because I’m going to kill you in thirty minutes._

“Don’t make a mistake like that again, Rin,” his Assist suddenly warns, the threat quite clear behind the words.

“Yeah, but you can just call yourself ‘Haru’ like you are!” Rin laughs.

“ _Whatever_ , “I make up my name wherever I go”!” Haru retaliates, and Rin snorts.

“You have a point,” he says.

Haru smiles, pleased.

“Do not forget why you are there, Matsuoka,” the man in his head says, and Rin has to stop himself from snapping at him.

(Rin studies Haru and he can’t help himself from thinking _I have to kill you I have to kill you I have to kill you_.)

“Can I kiss you?”

Rin’s thoughts stop completely. “What?” he asks, incredulously.

Haru’s mouth twitches. “Can I kiss you?”

“ _Why_?” Rin asks again, not understanding what’s happening.

Haru frowns. “I just. I have a bad feeling that something bad is going to happen soon, and I’ve wanted to kiss you since I first saw you. Makoto told me I should be more upfront about my feelings….”

“You have a feeling something bad is going to happen?” Rin asks, stomach dropping. Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit.

“Yes. So I can kiss you or?”

“What do you think is going to happen, Haru?” Rin asks, continuing on. Haru just looks at him. He looks a little irritated, Rin notes, amused.

“I don’t know.”

“Then how do you know something bad is going to happen?” Rin asks. Maybe he should stop asking questions.

Haru doesn’t say anything. Until he does. “I got the same feeling before my father died,” Haru admits.

“You got a bad feeling before your dad died?”

“Yes.”

“Shit,” Rin says. Rin didn’t mean to say that. (Rin vaguely thinks that maybe he’s being less professional and wary around Haru for a reason. _Don’t think about it_ , he thinks.)

Haru frowns again. “You never answered me.”

“Answered you?” Rin asks, too distracted to even try to remember what Haru asked. He’s trying to focus on Haru, but he just can’t, and he thinks his Assist says something to him, but he doesn’t hear.

“Can I kiss you?” Haru repeats.

And Rin is focusing on him again. His bright blue eyes. _Like a pool_ , Rin thinks. _I’ve always liked pools_. Haru is just looking at him, and Rin doesn’t know what to do. Does he want to kiss Haru?

(He’s here to _kill_ Har—)

“Yes,” he says. His Assist screams at him in anger, and Rin’s vial of poison in his suit pocket seems even more evil now. Haru is pleased with his response, and before Rin can try to understand what he’s doing, how he’s ruining himself this mission, Haru’s lips are on his own.

And right as Rin starts to twist his arm around Haru’s back, bring Haru closer to him, feel the hairs at the back of his neck, Haru is not kissing him anymore.

“I’m sorry. I-I… something bad is going to happen, Rin,” Haru says.

Rin doesn’t move at all, his Assist threatening him in his ear.

“I’m sorry,” Haru says again, and Rin doesn’t understand _why_. Why is he apologizing? What is Haru thinking about? What is Rin _doing_?

And his mission is a shark in the ocean, and Rin is helpless, absolutely helpless, and before Rin can try to swim away, Rin realizes that he himself is the shark.

“Do you want some champagne?” Rin asks, breaking the tension. He swallows, and Haru simply takes a deep breath and then nods.

“Sure, yeah.”

Rin is running out of time. He has to do this he has to do this he doesn’t _want_ to do this.

“Okay. I’ll be right back.”

He leaves Haru, and vaguely he wonders where the hell he even put his own champagne glass. He had tried to make it a point to carry one at all times.

He’s going to kill Haru.

Rin didn’t even like the champagne that much. And now it’s going to be the last damn thing Haru tastes.

Haru tasted like the sky and the ocean combined.

When Rin reaches the ballroom, he sees all the people dancing, sees them laughing, sees them talking and living and _breathing_.

Rin’s job is to kill Haru.

He quickly finds a waiter and grabs two champagne glasses. He pauses for a moment, thinking about how easy it would be to leave right now, to abandon this mission.

Haru was his first kiss.

He doesn’t leave. He doesn’t wait another second, and Rin feels his heartbeats beat in time with his watch ticking down each second.

Haru is not the one in the wrong, and yet Rin is going to kill him.

When he enters the hallway again, he takes the vial of poison out quickly and quickly puts it into Haru’s drink.

Maybe he could give Haru the wrong glass, and kill himself.

As he walks to the room they were in, Rin hears the music become more and more distant with each step.

 _Haru doesn’t deserve to die_.

Rin reaches the doorway to the room, and he stands for a moment.

It’s his _job._ He needs to see his family again. He’s lived his entire damn life in order to see his family. He wants to see his family again.

He opens the door, and briefly goes over the exit plans.

Rin wonders how Haru was able to sense his death was near.

Haru smiles once he enters, and Rin gives him the champagne glass.

“Thanks,” Haru says.

Rin takes a sip of his own, and his nerves are skyrocketing. He’s never been this nervous, never this anxious, before a job.

Rin watches Haru toy with the champagne glass a bit in his hand, and Rin knows he could stop this. He could reach forward and take it out of his hand. He could tell Haru the truth. He could turn himself in. He could stop him he could stop him, and he wants so desperately to stop him, but then his family pops into his mind just as he is starting to reach out, and Rin stills.

His family his family his _family_ is the entire reason he’s agreed to doing any of this. If he stops now, would any of it even be worth it? Would it have been worth it at all? Would being a damn _murderer_ been worth it? So, he stops reaching out, and Haruka is so lovely, so beautiful, and Rin thinks, maybe in a different life, maybe in a different time, they could have meant something more to each other. They could have been something together. But Rin cannot stop him. He must go through with his mission, and he watches, in absolute fear and trepidation as Haru finally brings the glass to his lips.

And suddenly, almost instantaneously, an alarm is going off his ears, and his Assist is screaming at him. “Matsuoka! There’s an issue! Code _lightening_! _Abandon the mission_. Police have found us. Matsuoka, can you hea—” But Rin is too late, and when he looks, Haru is already drinking the champagne, and Rin freezes, immediately swatting the drink out of Haru’s hand.

“Did you drink it?!” Rin demanded.

Haru looks shocked. “Yes?”

“ _Shit!”_ Rin exclaims. _“SHIT!”_

And just as quickly as he drunk it, Haru collapses, and the building goes into chaos. Rin catches Haru in his fall, and Haru starts to choke and gasp and his eyes are so wide, peering up at Rin, and Rin can see the pain in his face, and Rin wishes so desperately that none of this had to happen. He wishes so desperately that he stopped him. He wishes so desperately that the world would turn back time a little bit, and let Rin just turn himself in, let himself quit. He wishes so desperately that he wasn’t a killer at all.

Alarms are blaring in the building, and Rin knows that if he were to leave now, he could get away. He could escape. He’s still in disguise so even if he were a suspect, his entire identity is false. Rin knows that now is his chance, but he’s paralyzed, and Rin realizes that he’s had enough. His time is up. Rin is tired of being a killer, and he’s tired and tired and tired.

Haru is suffocating on his own vomit now, and Rin doesn’t realize he’s crying until Haruka tries to reach for him.

“I’m so fucking sorry I’m so fucking sorry I’m so fucking _sorry_ fuck fuck fuck this isn’t your fucking fault, Haru. It isn’t your fault. I shouldn’t have done it. I wish I was able to convince myself out of it. Fuck fuck fuck fuck _FUCK_ ,” Rin screams, and he leans down, holding Haru even closer.

Rin vaguely hears footsteps coming down the hallway, and Rin knows that if he doesn’t do something now, Haru will suffer for minutes more. His gun is heavy in his suit jacket, but he brings it out. There are six bullets in it. He always keeps it loaded. He’s always had this gun.

Haru looks at him, and there’s fear and understanding, and something that Rin can’t identify properly, something sad, like he pities Rin, as if he realizes that Rin was forced to do this, as if Haru forgives him for being a _murderer._

And Rin wishes there was more time in the world. He wishes he had time to say more. He wishes so damn much, but then the doors are being slammed opened, and the shouts are loud, and Rin points the gun down at Haru, shoots, and he hears the footsteps getting closer, but before they reach him, he brings the gun to his own head, apologizes to the air, to the sky, to the world, to his family and to Haru,

and pulls the trigger.

 

**Author's Note:**

> take a shot every time you see the word "champagne" 
> 
> also fun fact: Haru was also talking about Rin's death when he said he felt like something bad was going to happen. 
> 
> I adore comments! :)
> 
> much love xxxx
> 
> DiAnna44


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